Emotional Insulin Resistance

(I dont know how I come up with this shit)

Today I will be doing a controlled partial destruction. I need to get out of the local minima that my brain has been stuck in for a while. I have a path. I will execute on it.

This is very different from the carpe diem mindset i used to have before. Emotional triggers would spike up desire to self destruct and then i would come back.

I am going to coin emotional insulin resistance (i am drunk, we will figure this out later).

Basically, when your emotional regulatory system is broken, you go through large swings – carpe diem, destruction, calmess, etc.

As it improves (like I think it is for me now), I still need some injection of entropy once in a while but i dont want the spikes to be too large. I can manage with lower spiked.

In the future, perhaps the spikes go away.

I think the same shit happens with BP right?

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Here is my worry

what if I like the high emotional states? What if they make me creative? What if I like the high bp? It makes me energetic?