Woke up in a sweat the other day. Had a bad dream about not being able to get to the finish line. I am getting emotional even thinking about that bad dream now.

This shit is an emotional goal for me. When I read other people’s accounts of their first marathon, it actually fucking deeply effects me.

I am not going to let anything get in the way of this.

YOU DIE TRYING MOTHERFUCKER

Since covid, the autocorrelation of my years has been high. Same old shit. Relationship, work, workout, weight, booze, habits, etc.

This year has to become less autocorrelated. Have to break the monotony.

When is the right time to take that 2 year break? I wonder if it is right now.

Should I quit on this long, dying relationship? I think for my own mental sanity, I should.

Should I quit my job? To get my life back, I think I should. I feel so constrained.

you will not loose weight without doing 0 booze. PERIOD.

Brutal watching a 50 year old not realize everyone around just kinda feels bad for him for acting this way still

I am about to turn 35. I am on the path to become Bert mother fucking Kreischer. Useless life.

Tuesday was insane. A day of transitions:
* My boss left the company
* Biden in the city
* Spent $1k to celebrate … NOTHING
* Blantons collection is done
* Marathon is getting fucked
* I am not loosing weight
* I am missing work

CJ Stroud “I don’t drink man”

That’s it bro. You cannot let this poison fuck you up. And it is fucking poison. You cannot let this happen to you.

Personality shift

I don’t want to be a drinker. How do I handle this?

Go out with people. Go out by yourself too. But get non alcoholic shit. Even when you go out yourself.

I was kinda exhausted. I wasn’t too slow, still had a pace of about 14:30 – but it was something of a challenge.

My legs were pretty tired. I did a 5k yesterday and lots of walking – I wonder if that took out stuff from inside the tank.

Resting is probably important.

Stoic morning routines

• Every morning, Meditate on the impermanence of all things. Accept the fleeting nature of everything. Imagine stars being born and dying. The planet is so tiny. Appreciate the beauty and fragility life is. You will start to focus on things and become more purposeful. You will celebrate life.
• Write down your thoughts. It will help you explore your inner world. Write down what you are grateful for. Are you living according to your values. Act on reason instead of impulse. What is your intention for the day.
• Write daily intentions and not goals. They are different things.
• Add some discomforts in your life. Like cold shower. Or walk to work.

Fasting is awesome. But, dont over eat after you fast.

Running is awesome but DO NOT OVER EAT AFTER YOU RUN

You dont deserve to eat extra after a fast or a workout! You are losing weight.

The hardest thing is to NOT OVEREAT. Hack that by eating protein. And not eating soe other stuff.

I am LOVING audible for the audio books to keep me company.

They actually make me want to go out.

I am listening to harry potter. Finished the first two books today.

I don’t need to go to the bottom of the barrel. The drunken state. No need to pull off tail events. 5 slices of pizza at 1am. Fuck that. It’s so destructive. No need brother.

I see changes in my body. But i don’t see them in the weight.

That’s okay. Chase the non scale victories at least.

Keep looking at yourself. Feel your body. Are you loosing the folds?