You know why this date is interesting.

Anyway, I ran very slow yesterday. But I did 5k. This distance seems to be good.

I have signed up for a bunch more races. My goal right now is to lower the weight so that running becomes easier.

And then, to pick up the pace. I am averaging about 15 mins per mile. I want to shave off 5 mins per mile over the next few months.

Towards the end of the year, I will switch focus to endurance.

I had an amazing race yesterday. 10k – in one of the most difficult circuits out there. I am seriously proud of that. In general, cardiac health is going to be important for me. And I have my eyes set on Marathon 2024, so the goal is to get ready for that too.

One of the main reasons I started running is because I want to lose weight. Frankly, over the last month of running, I haven’t lost a single pound. I think I have been eating below my BMR, but maybe not? It could also be that I am putting on myself in the lower body, which is replacing the fat. I do feel like I have lost fat. But the weighing machine is not budging.

I am at 285 right now, and it is not a good idea to keep doing long runs at this weight. This is just a recipe for injuries. So, here is my small adjustment to the overall plan:

• Focus on 5kish runs
• Focus on consistency
• Focus on keeping calories clean and in check

After a month, I will evaluate if I need to do some upper body exercises.

I am excited about this plan for now. Let’s not let it fizzle out!

How do I feel right now? A bit sore. Exhausted. Focussed. Meditative.

I just finished my first 10k. It was hard. I wanted to give up many times. I was slow and I took a lot of breaks. But I finished it. An official road race in New York.

The good:

• It was great to run. Nice social scene. And good to feel one with the road and the city.
• It had some of the fastest paces I have conjured, and that is despite it being such a tough race.
• I think I am getting better running wise.

The bad:

• I don’t think running is the silver bullet to losing weight. Diet has to play a big factor here too.
• There is risk of injury, although I think that can be abated.
• I was very slow.

Overall, I am super happy that I have an official result now. And that this result got established in early Jan. Now I know what to improve.

Next up:

A dance between lowering the weight and increasing the pace.

My first “long” race. Longer than a 5k.

I am nervous. But it is fine – the goal is merely completion. Take it without stress.

Enjoy!

Yesterday, I was feeling really anxious. Mind was racing; I was confusing myself. So many things to do. Fear of this year running away from me.

But then, I decided to go for a run. And I felt better! It was hard to run as I’m still fat and slow, but, I took that action.

Probably a lesson to keep in mind.

We can do this. It’s just running. Your ancestors ran for miles. You can too.

Work is not the most important thing in life. Those people are making more than you and in better shape than you. At least you can get in better shape than them.

No need to complain about the hand that has been dealt to you. Sure, you have been obese since you were a kid. A lot of it is psychological, genetic and bad habits from childhood. Remember your learnings from the Beck Book:

• Carpe Diem is not worth it.
• Why should you let other people stop you from achieving your health goals?
• Why should being in NY stop you from achieving your health goals? People lose weight here. And this is the runners paradise.
• Why dedicate so much time to your job and be so stressed by it? Are you the President or a CEO? Do you even own any part of this company? Fuck that shit then. Focus on yourself.

You have a plan, and I am confident you will be able to schedule the right amount of time for it. You will be fine.

When I was on vacation, I felt optimistic about this year. I was eating right, sleeping well and the mind was calm and clear. There was no sound outside – just quiet. I could hear my own thoughts. But now that I’m back in NY, my old habits are creeping up. I am sensing all these distractions around me. First, it starts with the noise. Just a low frequency rumble of the city. I think I was wrong – being in pin drop silence was useful. My body reacts to these sounds. I can feel it reacting. And I am sure this creates chronic stress.

This is going to be tough. I need to prioritize calming the mind so that I can be effective at other things. This external sound situation needs to be figured out.

Some symptoms of this chronic stress:

• I become mentally fixated on things. My ADHD goes on overdrive.
• I want to do everything at the same time. Like I’m running out of time.

My anxiety rises; I am afraid of losing track of time. I am ridiculously afraid that this year will rush by and I will have nothing to show for it. Hopes and dreams that I am pinning on myself, on this year — I will need to accomplish them. There is NO CHOICE.

The key to consistency will be to make it easy for myself to do the things I want to do.

For instance, I want to be able to go running as easily as possible. To switch, disconnect, etc and just go out.

• Wear your shorts
• Get the music ready
• Wear the shoes
• Walk out
• ENJOY

Just get through this. Maintain the consistency. The body will adapt. It has to. Give it time, and be consistent.

The runs will be the engine.

This post is more of a self affirmation. Feeling a bit low in the confidence. I am back in NY and feeling that stress that I didn’t have during my vacation. The key will be to not forget. Just, don’t forget.

Time will fly if you are not careful. I need moments away from the stresses to decompress. Somewhere where I can escape to. Just, silence and no distractions. Need this time to recharge.

Not in that usual sense. Not in the sense where you pick up women in a bar. Or in the sense where you lead a company or a group of men into a real or metaphorical war. These are outward confidences. For many people, this seems hard, but for some men, this is easy. It can be easy to project an image greater than oneself when other people are involved. A father protecting or leading his kids. A general leading men to war even though he might be scared shitless inside. A man approaching a beautiful woman at a bar with charisma and grace.

Men aspire to be like this. I do. People tell me that I am “confident” all the time. Women in particular are attracted to me due to my confidence (not really my looks, as I am not the best looking guy out there). I do have this outward confidence and continue to build it.

I am instead referring to an inner confidence. The behind-the-fence confidence. Confidence where there is no one else in the picture; but just you with yourself. When you are face to face with the true reality of how scared you are of failure. You see the history of failure on things like health, weight, all the rejections from women, all the failed work opportunities. Men like me are full of insecurity internally. Especially when they have to lead themselves and not others.

In some ways, leading others is much easier. Leading yourself is hard.

One of my favorite books of 2022 was the Beck Book. It addresses the psychological aspect towards weight loss, I found to be refreshing and helpful. The book touches on cognitive behavioral therapy ideas to change how you think about problems. It views weight loss as a problem that can be solved as one. It helped me articulate the weight problem, and figure out strategies to solve it. And this action gave me inner confidence that I could, indeed, lose weight. [1]

While I didn’t lose a lot of weight last year, I am still pretty optimistic. It’s a problem that can be solved. But I have to constantly keep reminding myself that it is possible. One of the mechanisms that they use in CBT is “response cards”. I have tried this, but I think the trick is to not overdo it.

Vacation

I am currently on vacation, away from New York City. And wow – all my health metrics look great. I sleep well, eat right, dont have bad habits, and workout consistently. How can I mimic vacation environment in New York?

• Noise: I don’t think noise is necessarily an issue, but worth keeping in mind. Here, I keep the window open and I am right next to a main road. So I hear cars all the time. Maybe NYC is even louder than this.
• Sleep: I sleep when I want and I wake up when I want. This allows me to get plenty of sleep. About 7 to 8 hours on average. Now, parts of this are not really doable in NYC as I have a job, and its common to have late nights, early mornings. But should it be common?
• Alcohol: Zero on this vacation. I feel so great. My hunger is in control too. This can be replicated.
• Food: Its so hard to eat a lot. I am capping out at 1850 calories barely. I have no junk food here. Home cooked stuff. This, I am going to try to have to replicate.
• Exercise: Every other day, I go down to run on the treadmill, or outside. The context switch is easy. I don’t have to worry about external things. And this makes spontaneous exercise achievable. This should be replicated in NYC. It’s a bit tricky, but I think I can do it.
• Stress: Have almost none. Mainly because Im with family. I can afford to even get rid of my phone as I don’t care about anything else. I hope to replicate this in NYC or near work sometime soon too.

So, what was this all about? Just – keep going. Have faith and belief that you can get this done. And remember, the goal is MARATHON 2024.

[1] Interestingly, one thing I didn’t realize is that I think this approach is seeping into other aspects of my life. I am becoming a solution finder, problem solver.