Why afraid when things are good?

Right now things are going well. I am seeing my body adapt to running in a way never done before. My VO2 max is increasing in front of my eyes. Resting heart rate is plummeting. And I am losing some fat.

I have been eating well (keeping calories low, protein high). And I am largely abstaining from alcohol. I am definitely on the wagon right now.

I am afraid of falling off of the wagon. I am afraid because I am not sure if I will ever be able to get back onto the wagon. I don’t know how I will be able to recover from a blackout or a hard night of gorging. I don’t know how I will be able to get back into running if I haven’t run in more than a week. It was so difficult to start in the first place that I don’t know if I can go back to that again.

It is easier to keep going than to start again

Right now I am being propelled by motivation because I have good goals to achieve. But soon, I will have to start using fear of failure to keep myself propelling.

The First Year

2023 is the first year in which I started to run. I am actually pretty interested in the process. I am obsessing over running and watching what I eat, etc. I am a bit worried that the second year might not be as detailed as this one. Maybe that is okay if things are going well?

One example where the second year actually was better is tracking calories. I have been tracking calories for way more than a year. It’s a great dataset (and that is the thing that’s propelling me). Another example is the Moleskin. So, perhaps I am not that bad at keeping habits going on for more than a year. That actually is awesome.

Fetishizing the future

One trap that I do not want to fall into this time around is thinking too much about the future, wallowing too much about the past and ignoring the present. The famous saying goes:

You keep one foot in the past, one in the future and end up peeing on the present

Specifically, I don’t want to fetishize the future. I have done that in the past. I start loosing a bit of weight and start projecting where I could be in the future. I see those numbers and start to get comfortable. Bad idea.

This time, I am going to take it one day at a time. This is critical. And continuously course correct if things are not going my way. Simple as that. Eventually you can zoom out to see the larger picture. But, while you are on this journey, you need to focus on the next step.

This is an important mindset change. Of course, you are coarsely guided by a broader vision; but you have to be able to focus on the present so that you can adapt and course correct with agility.

I am noticing this mindset cropping up in work and in my relationship too. And it is becoming part of my health journey.

I think that this is how I will tackle the Marathon as well. One step at a time. Focus on the present. And then zoom out later to see the full picture.